Grauman’s Chinese theater (Sid Grauman) on Hollywood Boulevard, welcoming The Sheik of Araby (Bernie Madoff) into Universal Studios Acting School , the Shiek playing out his role as a stand in for Joyce Selznick, who took a matrimonial flyer to the Vegas strip for an exchange of vows into the unknown, guided by the North star of North Hollywood, off BluffsideDrive…..into Vineland’s” forren and essen” to Ventura Boulevard’s Studio City and Nate’s delicatessen in Van Nuysand the immortal UCLA basketball coach.. John Wooden’scondo in Encino.
II
Unlike Orestes sailing the Aegean Sea into Crete , the Islandbrutalized by the minotaur in and out of the cave. Could Orestes subdue that murderous rage? The fire crackling out of the bullish man’s nostrils as though Orestes destiny… his doom and death were intertwined and inevitable?.
Cracking human skulls was but a cannibalistic rite, a tribute to the bull man’s tormented craving in his murderous animalistic neurons. Orestes hadn’t read Freud’s Civilization and the Discontents. But he heard the torturous screams, his odyssey of a smart phone I phone tablet reality aeons away.…..
In and out of cyber space, Orestes captured the human criesfrom of a chain of causation , on an Atlanta Georgia midboggling turnpike bumper to bumper pileup.
” Moses part the waters. Save us “shouted one of the traffic officers, coordinating the 400 interstate car snarl, the snow icysleet wind drifts, propelling the temperature into 15 20 below, the Super Bowl hoopla 48 hours into Met Life Stadium.
III
Meanwhile the minotaur defies his bully cruelty from his Cretecave, the waves flapping against his killer instinct, while thosethunderous snores permeated the menacing air, waiting for another distraught victim, disturbing his ruthless wrath..
IV
Back at Universal Studio’s acting school, the Sheik of Araby akaBernie Madoff’: the man in the iron mask….warming up his 5 actors with suishi…Asian fusion out of the Grauman’s Chinese Theater lobby….foot and handprints of box office draws, embalmed in the concrete of movie peer plaudits.... box officeticket stubs per se!
The gang of six, setzing on their named cushions…Cary Grant Tony Curtis Gia Scala Dorothy Dandridge Piper Laurie and their venerated Ponzi conniver of all time… the Sheik of Araby into his element, holding up his ad lib “It’s never too late to take a chance on love”.
Archie Leach raises his hand and in his Cockney Hove Englishaccent, tells it like it is. .”If I had a chance to play my Cockney life over, I’d want to be remembered as “Gunga Din . And ofcourse my daughter. The Ucla LSD experiments that brought me back to the bloke you see . Departing the Hove waterfront forBrooklyn’s Coney Island, acting out the salesman on stilts, shilling Hebrew National frankfurters, knishes.” A keg of beer, mates?”
“My pops committed by his sisters… my aunts, when there was nothing wrong with him. “All he needed was emotional support,” said the witch doctor. 50 years committed to a insaneasylum stretch….his sisters visiting once a month, theircollective penis envy in ”Arsenic and old lace”, playing out.”
“Once I got my top billing in New York…Puccini’s “Madame Butterfly” my Archie Leach metamorphosing as Cary Grant in “Gunga Din The Awful Truth. Mister Lucky Frank Capra’s“Arsenic and old lace” ..typed as a suave debonair David Niven, on my wedding day, no less..And he a Pisces, March first. Can you believe it, mates?”
V
Tony Curtis (Bernie Schwartz) hunkered down on his mat like a Swami, taking a fresh look at himself and fantasy makingsyndrome. “Interpreting our planet’s moral providence,depending on how one looks at our galaxy. Ne se pas?”
“A kid coming out of the South Bronx, I‘ll be honest with you, I couldn’t get a break. Not a “sympatico”. Depressed like a frozen tootsie roll in an anti freeze zone, the sidewalk matinee profiles on Hollywood Boulevard, suspending time..
“And one of those heroes was my own. Burt Lancaster from the Bronx.”..Burt made all of us better,” said Tony Curtis, handing the Sheik of Araby, the Lancaster dossier of star power,( to be posted.).. He caste me with an ‘e’,” he said, emotionally,. “He brokered the caste, by casting me as Tony Curtis in “The sweet smell of success” and “Trapeze”.
“I met my future wife. An actor named Janet Leigh. Not that we lived happily ever after like we were embedded with sensors. But together we fought it out wherever. Bel Air estates near Burt. North Hamilton Drive near “Swifty” Lazar, playingcroquet on Bogy’s lawn..
“Look at this way. As a Bronx “cheese cake”, Burt made anmenchr out of a delivery boy from a South Bronx kosher butcher store. He was like a surrogate father to me.”, said the Schwartzbefore becoming a Curtis.. (the Name Detective Curtis A. out of36 years of solitary confinement in the Surrogates Court, Montague and Court Streets in downtown Brooklyn)
January 31, 2014…. time suspended before the Super Bowl… Denver and Seattle fates playing out at MetLife Stadium, New Jersey.
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