From coast to coast, all the fans are muttering is there a Luther Burbank in the “ house” ? The house being “Allen’s Alley”….Senator Claghorn, Mrs. Nussbaum, Toby Belch, Titus Moody, and Ajax Cassidy, rounding out Fred Allen’s commentary for his Sunday night radio barnstorm vis a vi NBC Burbank, Universal City, Rockefeller Center, All the ships at sea.
II
Fred Allen: Senator Claghorn you are the tip of the iceberg. Tell our listening audience about the perils of making it as the politico winds change with the cyber space electronic sensors…and metrics.
Riding the topical whirlwinds, Senator. You’ve been in Politics almost forever. You’re the Alben Barkley for Seniority. What’s the secret of your longevity, Senator Claghorn? Can you tell our listeners what makes you tick? III
“I’ll be perfectly frank, Fred. I was born into FDR’s New Deal.The WPA. Baking mickies off the sidewalk curbs. Hustlingbottle sodas at a niuckle a pickle. Wholesale with Bugsy and Meyer Lansky two cents a bottle. But screaming my lungs out, wheeling the iced baby carriage, past the two story basementgarage red brick homes being constructed in East Flatbush. Est92nd Street from Avenue B to Remsen.
Fred Allen….Excuse me, Senator. What made you give up on apromising future? Las Vegas strip? Gambling? Playing Faro at the old Golden Nugget ..Wine women and song to drop a cliché.”
IV
Divine providence? Throwing the dice is what you wish for, Fred. But it seemed to me I was only in the third grade. But one day when school was dismissed at P.S. 233, my curiosity led me to stroll to the Waldorf movie on Church Avenue. Wandered into the lobby. “They made me a criminal”
The actors into their posters were John Garfield (Julie Garfinkle)and Ann Sheridan, Claude Rains and the Dead End Kids.
Fred Allen: Your star was ascending, Senator .
“I go my own way, Fred. Being a dreamer, I figured if the “They made me a criminal” was a reflection of the society, then selling cokes, pepsis, cream, sarsaparilla, root beer, orange,lemon …Mr. Allen. That there was only one life to live: buying wholesale and selling retail? ?
V
You got your finger on the pulse, Fred. That there’s more to life than what you see or hear
Fred Allen: They didn’t tell you that in P.S. 233? Gossip andB.S. to make you feel good, Senator? That’s what makes our minor planet go round , waiting for your break.
Everything in synch.“ Playing hide and seek, tether ball, punch ball, stick ball, tag football (association)l, jump rope Dutch style. Ringaleveo, Filipino yo yo “round the world”… But when we woke up, there were bodies in the tall grass. Sun flowers to the sky, disguising the remains, but if you looked beyond you’d see deceased gang members. Dead gangsters fallen in the warsof Brownsville, Williamsburg, Coney Island.
“Hubsey, you’re not made for these sins.. Tilden High School’s, skinny dipping In their summer pool.
Fred Allen: Butt Senator how could skinny dipping at Tilden High be a turning point?
“Fred, I identified with a musical policeman named Harry Diamond… He played tennis at Herby Tittler’se clay courts onUtica off Kings Highway….Senator Jake Javitz, Lefty Goldstein who became a dentist. Joel restringing racquets andplaying steady with Lefty…he became the captain of the team at Tilden, later L.I.U.. Long before he was snatched at Safeway, pocketing a Philadelphia cream cheese, earning him “the cream cheese bandit” sobriquet.
VI
Fred Allen: Senator Claghorn is that the same Tilde High where Al Sharpton honed his debating sound&fury. Sid Gordon tolling left field at the Polo Grounds…Billy Terry, Mel Ott’s Giants….
And “Habla el Espanol” maestro. Caught the big bruddercheating on the final and flunked him. But his mother’syoungest sister..Aunt Selma, a teacher at Richmond Hill High in Social Studies, talked him out of it.
“Give the big brudder a D, Sam, so he can graduate. “Yussell”never learned his lesson… “cheaters never prosper:, Fred...
What’s the maestro’s name, Fred? He flunked the tennis captain A famous comic genius high school teach?”?
Fred Allen You’re thinking of Sam Levinson, the Tilden big time personality.. Graduate of Franklin Lane. His portrait hangsin the library. Recital hall at Brooklyn College. . Ed Sullivan had him on 17 18 times.
The break from the corrupt yesterdays, (smacking his lips) wasPolitics at Ucla , Fred. Machiavelli ‘s The Prince” Dr. Ttus gave me an A plus…. (Nixon’s Halderman and Erlichman were sitting up front, gobbling it all up, to their regret.
VII
Fred Allen: Mrs Nussbaum, what’s the good word? In your café society? Central Park West? The automat?”
Mrs. Nussbaum: Fred, I am in the mood for good old fashioned smooching.
Fred Allen: Smooching? Why Mrs. Nussbaum I thought you were into the 21st century. ‘Lady Chatterley’s Love” is old fashioned. Out of synch with social networks, the Internet.“Hansel and Gretel” is passé. Hackers and the presence of cyberspace. Remember “The Interview” The studio backed down, not releasing to theater chains….thousands of Independents.
No, Mister Allen. I have never confessed to you about love at first sight. ….On Coney Island boardwalk. A tall dapper dandypitchman, hawking kosher franks with sauerkraut, mustard on a roll, as he taunted us kiddos. He was on stilts, the waves lapping up a coinciding storm as in rhythm with his strapped pitch. Hedanced scooted his placard, stilting into Jimmy Durante’s cubicle, he shared with piano playing Eddie Jackson.
Fred Allen: What we they selling, Mrs. Nussbaum? Frenchpianos? Made in A Brooklyn?
VIII
They were selling kegs of beer for fifty cents like there was no tomorrow. Schnozola belted a couple of bars, while his partner in beer kegs, banged the 88 keys. The man on stilts laughing up a storm, clapping in time, he shoes tapping in rhythm.
Fred Allen: And who was the man on stilts, Mrs. Nussbaum? What became of him?
‘His name was Archie Leach Next I knew he was on the opera marquee… Puccini’s “Madame Butterfly”’
Married to a Geisha girl, mister Allan .
Archie Leach. Into the discarded stilts.
Fred Allan: Mrs. Nussbaum that was no song and dance man on those stilts. He changed those stilts for a jalopy and drove to Hollywood. He metamorphosed as alias C.G.”
Mrs. Nussbaum: Not Clark Gable, mister Allen? He was my hero. I idolized him.”
Fred Allen: Cary Grant’s “I do”, marrying Barbara Hutton, the richest woman in the world. Heiress to the Waldorf 5&10 cent store fortune. It lasted only two years but it was longer thatbusting his chops on stilts, promoting those sizzling franks with sauerkraut…..it’s all in the sauerkraut, Mrs. Nussbaum.”.
Believe me the Coney Island boardwalk sets the tone. Themustard!
Christmas Day December 25, 2014 The City that never sleeps.
